Happy Nude Year!

Last year I was very intentional about connecting to myself and my body, after years of feeling shame for living in this flesh-suit. A few ways I did that was: seeing a pelvic health therapist, having more open communication with my partner, doing a photoshoot in my underwear, and visiting a nudist resort, twice. Going to a nudist resort wasn't exactly on my to-do list for 2022, but I enjoy spontaneity and had a good time with some interesting moments. Here is what I learned:

Swimsuits are a scam. 

Well some circumstances require them... But let me tell you, moving around without the worry of something slipping out or constantly adjusting my suit was a whole other kind of freedom. 

They had a combined bathroom– with a slippery floor.

For some reason I was caught off guard when I first arrived and the change room/bathroom was shared by males and females of all ages. At the start it was kind of busy and I noticed a young preteen boy showering with his parents and my initial reaction was judging it as some sort of sexual abuse, I paused to think; billions of people bathe together as families. With different cultures come different social norms, and that may not be the norm for every American family, but maybe it’s their norm, and that’s none of my business.
While we were in the bathroom a woman slipped on the wet floor and fell pretty hard! The kind of fall where you don’t know whether to laugh out loud, or pretend to be concerned and awkwardly offer assistance. Well it’s a wild show when you multiply that with complete nakedness and your 165lb boyfriend is trying to help a 280lb woman get up off the ground. Key takeaway: don’t offer assistance if you honestly can’t contribute.

I can talk to people without wearing clothes.

The first time I went, I was acclimating to the environment and getting comfortable on a pool chair when a man who worked at the resort walked up and started talking to me. He was fully clothed, making friendly conversation and letting me know more about the facilities. For the first few seconds I thought: “Oh my gosh, this is so weird. I'm lying naked on a chair, and this man is talking to me fully clothed.” But the thought very quickly left my mind and we continued in conversation without me feeling any awkwardness at all.
There was nothing inappropriate about the interaction, and we didn't speak again. I discovered that a new mindset is available to me- I have the power to make something into a big deal or not. I could exacerbate any situation or I can live in my body without feeling shameful, embarrassed, or weird. 

Shame does not live in my body anymore.

That does not mean the emotion of shame doesn't pop its head out, or that I don't suffer from trauma responses from time to time. But I am not my emotions, and shame will no longer fester inside my body, not while I have autonomy over it. 

Micro-penises actually exist, and that’s okay.

I mentioned to my partner how all these men had very small penises; he looked at me like I was clueless and said: “They’re not all small, most of those are common average size”. Initially I was skeptical, but as the day went on, and more people passed by; his response was substantiated. I sympathize for the immense pressure that society places on males caused by the false perception of what’s considered normal. As neutral as I thought I was, I still had body shaming thoughts about people of different ages, shapes and sizes. One in particular was a man that appeared ‘micro’ or possibly even ‘inverted’. I thought to myself “Wow! He’s so brave for being naked”. Though my motive was admiration, it stems from the very toxic trait of deeply ingrained issues I need to work through of what makes a body ‘ideal’ in both men and women. 

There is such a thing as being too naked.

During a relaxed game of pool volleyball, we began chatting with another couple on our team and they seemed like cool people. Our conversation was interrupted as the ball rolled out of the pool so the man decided to climb out to get it. A second later I was faced with a view of his cheeks spread widely and the sun shining on all his glory just a couple of feet in front of my face. I quickly turned around to my boyfriend who began to smile at my stunned facial expression. Later that day we were laughing about the unexpected scenario and yes, although we were all in the nude, seeing someone's rear end is still a little startling. 

A body is just a body. It does not need/ nor is it always sexualized.

This is actually something I noticed during a 6 month visit to the Amazon rainforest. I think it goes without saying- the fewer clothes the better when living on the equator. But what I found interesting is there are many different tribes that consider ‘dressed’ as only wearing a string wrapped around themselves. If I were to use my American/Christian logic and culture, and try to apply my understanding of what it means to be modest, I could easily shame those tribes for being ‘inappropriate.’ How absurd would that be when they are literally just trying to survive and live their lives as they know it? If a body can just be a body in one small corner of the world, surely I can apply that philosophy to my own experience at a nudist resort or just in my day to day life. Sexualizing a body is usually learned.

Even if someone does take notice of a body- appreciates the shape and beauty of it, it does not need to be considered misconduct.

I grew up with the perception that women's bodies need to be covered up, women cause men to ‘stumble’, and the male brain is the monster. To notice, look, and have attraction to a body that you were not married to (or engaged to) was lustful, dirty, and a slippery slope. After walking away from that belief known as Purity Culture, I have come to understand that is not the truth. When we find someone attractive or look at their body- it is not necessarily picturing them in bed and doing explicit things. Seeing beauty and/or finding attraction to a body is not wrong! Obviously at a place like a nudist resort I am allowing anyone to see my body. However, clothed or nude- I can’t control someone’s perception of my body; their thoughts, whether positive or negative, flattering or creepy- it’s not my concern, so I’m not bothered by it. At one stage my partner got up to refill our drinks and I noticed a couple of guys taking a lengthy peek at him. Instead of getting territorial or weirded out, I thought; yeah go ahead and look boys. I like looking at him too. ;)  

Christians get naked too.

There was a couple I spoke with at the resort and we started talking about what I do as a Religion Recovery Coach. The man had mentioned he goes to a Presbyterian church and I asked him if anybody else from his church community comes to the resort. He said: “Oh no. No, they would not approve of this at all.” And though I agreed that was probably true, I appreciated that while he and his wife belong to a particular faith; they still decide to do the things that make them happy and comfortable in their own skin. It showed me faith and autonomy can coincide, which wasn’t something I had understood or was taught before. 

Curiosity and exploration is not wrong. 

I think I have always been a curious person, but for much of my life I suppressed that curiosity by following rules and being told what was normal and acceptable. But being curious and exploring how to create autonomy over myself has been the new love of my life. The ability to make choices for myself rather than having them made for me by other people, beliefs, cultures, or faith systems generates a life of adventure. 

I am not sharing my experience to advocate for everyone to become nudists. But I am advocating for being curious, growing, and expanding your experiences in however that may look to you. I do hope you are able to take away something useful or to think about certain concepts and how you may apply them to yourself and your life story. 

What kind of experiences would you like to work up to for yourself? How will you be more intentional to connect with yourself? What is your response when someone acts radical or unconventional, and why? Are you curious? I hope so! 

I hope you discover the connection, freedom, and fun you didn't even know you were looking for. 

Thank you for reading!

Sincerely,

Your amateur nudist.